Under Pressure

Under Pressure[Ebook] ➨ Under Pressure By Lisa Damour – Jobs-in-kingston.co.uk An urgently needed guide to the alarming increase in anxiety and stress experienced by girls from elementary school through college from the New York Times bestselling author of Untangled“An invalua An urgently needed guide to the alarming increase in anxiety and stress experienced by girls from elementary school through college from the New York Times bestselling author of Untangled“An invaluable read for anyone who has girls works with girls or cares about girls—for everyone”—Claire Shipman author of  The Confidence Code and  The Confidence Code for Girls Though anxiety has risen among young people overall studies confirm that it has skyrocketed in girls Research finds that the number of girls who said that they often felt nervous worried or fearful jumped percent from to while the comparable number for adolescent boys has remained unchanged As a clinical psychologist who specializes in working with girls Lisa Damour PhD has witnessed this rising tide of stress and anxiety in her own research in private practice and in the all girls’ school where she consults She knew this had to be the topic of her new book In the engaging anecdotal style and reassuring tone that won over thousands of readers of her first book Untangled Damour starts by addressing the facts about psychological pressure She explains the surprising and underappreciated value of stress and anxiety that stress can helpfully stretch us beyond our comfort zones and anxiety can play a key role in keeping girls safe When we emphasize the benefits of stress and anxiety we can help our daughters take them in stride But no parents want their daughter to suffer from emotional overload so Damour then turns to the many facets of girls’ lives where tension takes hold their interactions at home pressures at school social anxiety among other girls and among boys and their lives online As readers move through the layers of girls’ lives they’ll learn about the critical steps that adults can take to shield their daughters from the toxic pressures to which our culture—including we as parents—subjects girls Readers who know Damour from Untangled or the New York Times or from her regular appearances on CBS News will be drawn to this important new contribution to understanding and supporting today’s girlsPraise for Under Pressure “Truly a must read for parents teachers coaches and mentors wanting to help girls along the path to adulthood”—Julie Lythcott Haims New York Times bestselling author of How to Raise an Adult . To uote my graduate advisor This piece is less magical than her first My 13 year old daughter and I both appreciated Untangled and took many nuggets it from it that have informed some of our behavior and decisions large and smallParts of Under Pressure feel spot on to me as a teacher in an all girls private school much like the one where Damour works including some of the descriptions in early chapters of student and parent anxiety around tests and friend troubles And I love Damour's approach to female sexuality which I will use to re enforce my position with male peers who half jokingly say they're going to lock up their teen daughters to protect them from boys' lust What about your daughter's own lust? I always ask Other parts of the book don't resonate with me The extended section on how girls talk and how we advise them to talk and on girls' difficulty saying no to activities for fear of hurting feelings did not reflect my experience either as a teacher or a mother None of it was on my radar and nothing Damour says made me concerned that it should beI was disappointed in her frankly transactional approach to talking with girls who are stressed about grades focusing on the math of staying in the A range rather than on the content of what the students are learning and the joy or lack thereof in learning it Her approach as a mother and a psychologist seems only to reinforce the anti intellectual message that one's numerical average is all important Meanwhile I fear that the parents I know will read no further than Damour's lamentable confession that she believes kids aiming for the Ivies do need to knock themselves out 30 hours a day or they don't stand a chance That one passage will undermine everything else she has written Finally the section on racial minorities is a lame addendum that adds no insight or useful advice Nor does Damour touch at all on socioeconomic stressors and she is only glancingly interested in non hetero teens This is a book very much about an upper middle class white straight high powered elite and their daughters who buy into that game If your child doesn't fit that bill you won't find much here for you Even if she has few low income clients on whose experience to draw I wish Damour at least addressed some of the strains on financial aid students and minority students in a high powered private school as I see those students and those strains all the time the kid who can't afford the class trip the kid who smiles uietly through lively banter about concerts and ski trips and the newest phone and tries not to show her discomfort the kid who can't be in the play because public transport home late at night is unsafe the kid who falls asleep in class because she helps her parents with their night shifts the many kids who don't run for club president because they know the unwritten rule that club presidents will bring the bulk of goods for a bake sale and they can't afford it The list goes on and on These stressors don't appear anywhere in this book My guess is that however well meaning Damour bases her book primarily on her practice and therefore on her experience with a clientele that can pay top dollar And unfortunately all that most of that stratum will hear is Yes your daughter needs to drive herself mad in high school if you want her to get to Harvard Really helpful tips for parents of girls but also parents of boys I read Untangled by Damour and there is some overlap but both books have really helped me deal with my daughters' problems when they come up This book had a lot of really good information and proper perspective regarding stress and anxiety The main theme being stress and anxiety are actually good for us help us grow and alert us that something is not right in our life Yet how they play out in every day life can be harmful if we don’t acknowledge the problem and deal with it The book takes you through the veins in which girls face stress at home school with girls boys in the culture etc The chapter on girls with boys was absolutely terrible Basically whatever girls want to do sexually let them as long as they feel good because “they deserve it” 🙄 That type of thinking creates stress in so many waysI disagreed with some other minor thoughts and philosophies throughout the book But I am very thankful I read this book and found it helpful on many levels Dealing with stress and anxiety must always be rooted in Biblical principles which much of what the author said is without her realizing it 😁 Under Pressure is a book for parents who want to help their daughters survive the tumult of teendom Some of it is great For example in our age of trigger warnings safe spaces and classroom comfort objects I appreciate the author's assertion that age appropriate stress when balanced with sufficient rest and recreation is actually a good thing that helps us grow I also loved Damour's approach to helping girls navigate our culture's obsession with physical beauty She is not in favor of telling girls that everyone is eually beautiful on the outside How refreshing since no one actually believes that especially not teen girls Her advice for helping girls realize what matters most about themselves is spot on In general I found Damour a winsome voice with a knack for drawing girls out of themselves in a gentle and open way I filed away than a few techniues for now and for in three years' time when I have a teen girl in the house myselfUnsurprisingly there's a lot of talk about the darn smartphone and I pretty much agreed with all of it But I do have to ask If it's true that smartphones disrupt girls' sleep interfere with their interpersonal relationships expose them to harmful pornography and a barrage of unhelpful images of unattainable female perfection all while keeping them in state of constant anticipation why have I never once heard any so called expert recommend what to me seems like the perfect solutionMy teenage students always laugh at me when I insist that I'm going the Nokia route with my own future teens Your kids are going to be so lame I don't really care My kids are cool and they can figure out how to live the good life with a smartphone when they are old enough to buy one for themselves My hope is that by then they will have enough good sense to know when it is taking over their lives and enough willpower to do something about itLast thing I found Damour's advice on female teenage sexuality very inadeuate To Damour a healthy sex life for a teenage girl the girl doing what she wants and enjoys in the sexual relationship Hmm Last time I checked what feels good in one particular moment is not always a great litmus test for what promotes long term well being and deep seated satisfaction That's true for adults How much for kids No offense to teens but I'm not sure they always know what is good for them What they want is frankly sometimes really stupid The author is understandably uncomfortable with girls sexting But the skeptical reader asks what if your teenage daughter says she finds it fulfilling? You'll encourage her to go for it? Yeah right Girls need better advice than simply make sure you are happy in the relationship and getting what you wantMe presenting my future sixteen year old with his brand new Nokia Received review copy from publisher via Goodreads Giveaways45 stars I was pleasantly surprised by Under Pressure As a middle school educator and an adult woman living with anxiety I recognized many of the patterns Lisa Damour described Like damn Lisa Stop telling everyone my life I even think it's a good companion read to the highly excellent Odd Girl Out The Hidden Culture of Aggression in GirlsThis is pretty readable for a parentingeducation book At times it can sound a little mom to mom but the tone is generally reassuring and avoids platitudes It is meant to euip parents with language to address low to midlevel stress behaviors such as catastrophizing For high level behaviors consult Odd Girl Out The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls Girls fret uietly while boys act out because we've socialized them this way Internalized worry is creating thorny mental health problems resulting in peculiar or dramatic behaviors As an educator I also appreciate that Damour acknowledges that prejudice in the classroom is real and causes girls significant distress Distress affects performance Children cannot learn while they are afraid it's neurologically impossible Girls work extra because they are afraid In one chapter she describes how school is designed to be a confidence factory for boys because they consistently aim for the lowest amount of input for the highest reward Girls overwork themselves for the same reward so they start learning incorrect ideas about lots of work eualing a high reward It's crazy but true Recommended for teachers parents women living with anxiety loved ones wanting to help a femme in their life cope with fear Our teens especially girls today are under way pressure than we were at that age People are uick to say girls have anxiety issues when it's actually unnecessary pressure put on them at too young of an age Dr Damour's expertise in this area as a therapist and school counselor provides us with examples and offers realistic advice to help them overcome some of the things they are facing I appreciated the fact that she didn't speak down on the behaviors as most parenting books do; instead she pointed out the benefits of learning how to cope with stress at an early age I took away many useful nuggets to help my daughter navigate her young adult years Dr Damour's perspective on anxiety in young girls is fresh and relatable This book was applicable to my 14 15 year old than her last book Untangled but I like the way she writes on topics related to young adult girls Sadly I found Untangled after my daughter was past the tween stage Highly recommended for parents and others who work with teenage girlsThank you to Random House Ballantine and Netgalley for the advance copy in exchange for my review Teachers moms teenage girls read this book Full of helpful strategies and discussions of what our girls experiences are like today Gave me a lot to think about Having previously read Untangled Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood by Dr Lisa D'Amour when I had the opportunity to read her newest book Under Pressure Confronting the Epidemic of Stress and Anxiety in Girls I knew I needed to do soAnyone who has teen girls or is around teen girls on a regular basis will immediately connect with this title Keep in mind we are not saying that teen boys aren't under pressure but that it is intensified with teen girls Parents and mentors want to find the right thing to say that will encourage girls and help them as well as teach them how to handle things on their own but too often feel that you are stepping on a land mine Dr D'Amour takes parents and other adults under her wing and gently shares what we can say and do that will help teen girls learn to handle situations in a mature adult way I really enjoy how D'Amour emphasizes teaching and coaching girls through the thought process and having them take the lead on what to doD'Amour brings to the book years of experience in clinical psychology and her role at Laurel School for girls and private psychotherapy Her experience shines through as she brings numerous examples of specific situations that have come up in her practice D'Amour does write from a secular perspective and not all readers will agree with everything she writes However even when I did not agree with her perspective ie premarital sex her discussion of the topic raised issues I had not considered when broaching this topicUnder Pressure is highly recommended for numerous audiences Parents need to have a copy handy to reference often Teachers youth ministers and anyone else who works with pre teens on up will also find this resource very useful Counselors and therapists who work with teens and parents will also desire to have a copy to loan out to parents This book and D'Amour's previous title Untangled also belong in every public libraryDisclosure of Material Connection I received the book Under Pressure from Ballantine via NetGalley I was not reuired to write a positive review The opinions I have expressed are my own I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising Here are some good takeaways Pushing ourselves past familiar limits builds our capacities in the same way that runners prepare for marathons by gradually extending the distances at which they train Why expend energy fighting an immutable reality? — practice acceptance When a student says she's feeling really nervous about a test say good I'm glad you're worried That's the ideal reaction because right now you know you're not ready As soon as you start studying your nerves will calm down When girls are in crisis mode reassuring is NOT what to do Instead ask them about how they'll HANDLE the situation Deliberately underscheduling continues to prove itself a reliable strategy for reducing the strain in our lives and on many days increasing the joy Sleep deprivation is the FIRST problem to be addressed in anxiety Stress at school if the perception is that stress can be great and helpful we're able to deal with stressful situations much better Thanks to 'slavish overpreparation' hand wringing students usually get terrific grades For students who are motivated by fear this system is exceedingly effective Until it becomes unsustainable worrying itself uses up intellectual bandwidth and undermines academic performance Parents please emphasize long term life satisfaction over school success One particular study demonstrated that the students who felt their parents were highly critical and emphasized academic and professional achievement over everything else were the most stressed This book is chock full of calm practical doable advice for managing stress I learned for myself as well as for my children One big caveat if you are a fairly conservative Christian as I am you will not agree with all her advice But there's so much good stuff here that I'm giving it 4 stars anyway